Technically it's only about one boat and one birthday.

Nick's friend got one of those online coupon deals on renting an electric boat for two hours. He invited both of us, but Nick had too much school work to do. Boo for him, yay for me!

If you're not a Seattleite, you might not know that we have been having fan-freaking-tastic weather for the past few weekends. So, warm sunny Saturday, friends with food and booze, and an electric boat on Lake Union. Who's in? ::hand shoots in the air:: PICK ME!



The whole thing was really cool. The employee basically sits down and tells you how to steer, and then you're cut loose into the lake. As I said, you get to bring snacks and booze. Something about being on the water on a sunny day, eating tasty snacks, and drinking home-made beer makes me want to press "re-play" every-damn-day. More pictures here.

Then sometime after that weekend was Kai's first birthday. Shall we take a small trip down memory lane?

First Day on the Planet Kai verses Happy 1st Birthday Kai:

    

Both win for being freaking adorable.

Kai's family has this fantastic tradition to make a panda cake on the first birthday. It also makes for great before, during and after pictures.

   

Annie won "Best Birthday Gift" by giving him the popper-walking-thing. Actually, it's more like Carley gets the award for "Knowing the Right Toy for My Kid", then Annie gets the award for "Paying Attention to What Carley Says". I get an award for having my camera and taking pictures.



I love being a fake aunt to this cutie. So much so I had to give crazy-eyes in my excitement!




the end.

I made my own metaphorical pile of feces. But when did I start making it? Was it when I was a teenager? When I was a horrible mess of puberty and angst? When my actions caused so much pain that the repercussion meant being in debt forever? Or was it when I was nine? When I didn’t understand that the words I said would leave deep cuts? And that these wounds would need perpetual tending?

Who knows the when because it probably is all my what’s that created this great pile before me.  And this pile hides a path. Oh, sure – there are other paths around this pile, but the path I want, the path I ought to take, is hidden under this.

I call my pile feces. You could probably more accurately call it Guilt or Shame. The path I ought to take means I’m not taking this sunny, easy path over here that someone made for me.

Oh, this path we made, that we slaved over, that we asked favors in order to get the right stones and perfect flowers for. You can’t take your path Christie because we made this wonder path right over here just for you. It’s safe and the best way to go.

Not following this path means I am ungrateful and selfish. Why did you ask for help if you won’t use what I give you? It is a precarious place to be; in order to receive help you must do as your told verses using the information to find your own way.

That explains a lot, doesn’t it…?

the end.

Being married is hard. I know – Thanks Captain Obvious. But it is true. There is nothing like trying to navigate life with another person, while both of you are changing and evolving as well. It is hard to not sit and question if we will make it. Our lives are getting more and more complicated every day and eventually - I wonder if we will one day look at each and not know who we are anymore. 

There are days when I wonder about my husband. I was his only girlfriend, his first with a lot of things. Yet, somehow, he decided that I was his one and only. Somewhere within his brain and, hopefully, heart - he knew being with me forever was what he wanted. Sometime that fact alone makes question his sanity. I mean, have you met me?!

But I want to turn the table. He has it pretty damn good. I told him Sunday that I quit. I wanted to switch roles. I wanted to be in charge of the garbage and mowing the lawn. He can take care of everything else. But that doesn't cover everything. I want him to be me for a day. I want him to come home to an empty house. I want him to make dinners which he will eat alone, and then, once everything is cooled, package them into lunch and dinners for me. I want him to track the bills and watch the budget. I want him to look out the kitchen window and feel the burdening yard work that never seems to end. I want him to have the weekend ritual of laundry, vacuuming, dishes, food shopping, and meal planning. I want him to think about all the house projects we never seem to do because I never have the time.

But mostly, I want him to get it. All of these things I do are in support, love and faith in his goals and dreams, and he can show his appreciate and love by simply doing the same in turn.

Last week we hit this wall pretty hard. Of all these things I do, I only needed him to be on the same page as me. He said that that meant he couldn’t have an opinion that differed from mine; that he would support me, but didn’t agree. And that was the point. I tried to explain that supporting me was wonderful, but believing in me was just as important; that standing by my side without confidence in my decision was simply placating me. I don’t think he understood that if we flipped that into his world, it would be as if I said, “Yes, I support you going to Law School. But I think you’re not smart enough.” 

I’m not sure we actually resolved this, but we are moving ahead with what I wanted to do.

So yes - Captain Obvious is here to remind you that marriage is hard. In navigating what it means to be a family unit, I know there are no guarantees to our future. But without reservation, I am willing to bet on our forever with every chip I've got.

the end.

I think there’s something wrong. You know why I think there’s something wrong?

I’m not excited about traveling.

Okay, that seems a little dramatic. I mean, if my sister said that, I would put my hand to her face and ask if she was running a fever. For me, traveling hasn’t always been an exciting, need-to-do experience. Have you heard about me talking about change and what ifs? Obviously then, traveling is a huge anxiety punch. And we won’t even discuss how I burst into unstoppable shivers the night before I left for Japan.

But, as I have grown and taken more trips, I found that I really loved the change of pace, seeing amazing places, hearing foreign and melodic languages. I mean, I could have been eavesdropping on two Italian guys talking about how they couldn’t poop last night. Wouldn’t have had a clue! But it sure sounded beautiful.

Nick and I were talking a bunch about how we can’t travel aboard for awhile and thus, should check out our own backyard. We thought about New Orleans, New York, Washington D.C. We discussed Disneyland verses Walt Disney World. We talked about seeing the coast, or visiting new parts of California. Eventually, we decided to stay close to home and check out Cannon Beach. But then it took weeks for me to put anything in motion. I mean, we leave in less than a month and I booked our hotel two days ago.

I tease Nick a lot about how he still owes me a trip to Disneyland, just him and I. I kept saying we should go this year, but it depended on whether I was preggo or not. Actually, I stated that a trip to Disneyland would be required if we hadn't succeeded by May. Well, obviously – we haven’t had success so Nick started talking about going. I told him no.

Okay, now that you’ve picked up your jaw from the table, you can fully understand there is something wrong. And I think I know what it is.

I am tired of making all the arrangements.

Almost every single trip I’ve gone on, I have planned either all or the bulk of it. I researched the hotels, made maps, found restaurants, figured out transportation, watched for cheap flights, figured out the budget, etc. etc. etc. And now – I’m done. I have spent all my vacation-planning-motivation. I want to turn to someone, hand them all that responsibility and say, “All I want is a room with a view and it not to cost more than this.” I believe these people are called travel agents. Anyone got a free one lying around?

The end.

Well, so much for pleasing and hoping. Thursday was a really hard day.

I know that this simply means we are now in need of taking the next step, and there is nothing wrong with taking steps to get to a goal. Even if the goal is as simple as this. Even if I am no different from thousands of other women. But it sure as heck doesn't make any of this any easier. If you would have asked me how I felt four days ago, I'm not sure if I could have answered without needing a tissue. Today...? It's another shitty deal of cards from Life and there's nothing I can do, but figure out how to fix it. Let's just hope it can be fixed.

And all of this crap is happening while Spring has arrived! It has been really nice to wake up with the sun again, and slowly watch it go away in the evenings. Unfortunately, this means lots and lots of yard work, which all of you know is my favorite thing e-var. The only great thing about having a yard? You get to watch all the flowers bloom.

 

The pull-apart bread I had talked about for Easter is from Joy the Baker. I've been reading her blog for a while now. She has made some amazing stuff. Like I said, it's a bear to make (especially if you're not used to making bread like me), but worth it!

  

I did the recipe twice. On the second go, I cut the cinnamon by a half to almost a full teaspoon because I thought it was a little too cinnamon-y. I also found that I really had to cook the bread for a long time. Even after I cooked it for 40 minutes, it was still doughy. I think I just need to really roll the dough out thinner. In any case, there was maybe two to three pieces left from brunch. My mom got angry because Bob took the leftovers to work. She made him bring it back for her. By this alone, I call this recipe a winner.

Continuing on Easter, it was a gorgeous day, so I let Ginger out on my parent's deck to get some sunshine. Allie had to be out there too, even if that meant being super-duper hot in her black fur.

 

Eventually, Allie called it quits and wanted inside. Ginger would have stayed out there all day long. I tried to get a picture of her with her head down, but she wasn't having it. Instead, I got this. I love it though because, to me, she is saying,

"Mom, it's too bright out here for cute pictures. Just stop already..."




the end.