Christie (starieskie) wrote,
Christie
starieskie

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That is all.

If there is something to be said, it is simply - I am done. And thus, I have zero energy to share my thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc. to the internet world that probably forgot I exist. Two points to you, if you're still here.

Let's also say that 2016 has been both a good and bad year. Unfortunately, the bad has been pretty heavy handed.

Bad:
- Gram died
- Mama died
- Oma died
- Uncle Dickie died

Literally... some of my above family passed within two months of each other. I think we've hit our quota.

Oh, and President-Elect Donald Trump. I-cannot-even-with-that-shit...

Good:
- We are pregnant and due January 29, 2017

I say "we" so sweetly, but honestly - it's a "me" show. Assuming we are fortunate and have no complications, baby comes out a-okay, and so-on, then I am d.o.n.e. making people. Making a person is ridiculous. Women do not get enough credit. Whether you like being pregnant or not, it's work; every minute of every day work. I forgot how much I hated not having a say in my life. I forgot how much fear and anxiety I had, that if I did one thing wrong, like eat dairy that's been sitting out too long, I could lose the baby. I forgot that every decision I made came with a true consequence. Yes, I know, technically I have that responsibility every day, even if I don't have a baby taking all my nutrients and air and blood. But it's different, and it is that difference that drives me absolutely insane. There are days where I can move along in my life without second guessing anything. Then there are days where getting in the car brings a new level of fear because what if, and tada - the tone has been set for all-the-things until I fall apart on the couch because the thought of cooking dinner is too much. I'm a peach. You should come visit. Whatever my feelings, the pregnancy has actually been fine. Nothing weird or abnormal, just a run of the mill kind of pregnancy, which makes it almost that much harder to complain. Obviously, that isn't stopping me, but I feel really guilty about it. Two points for me.

So that's it. Death and life, horrible politics, and a gigantic one-pound Snickers bar because.


the end.
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