Christie (starieskie) wrote,

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My due date was January 29 and here I am – still pregnant. Nick and I believe I will be induced on Thursday after my next doctor’s appointment, because my BP has been slowly creeping up. However, if like last week – it is within normal range, then February 5th is our current induction date. But I could push this out any time that following week, if I wanted to wait. If, if, if. I keep hoping that my body will simply get the eviction notice and start its engine to bring our new little person into the world. I really don’t want an augmented labor. I know what will be, will be, but I can hope, right?

Amidst all this happiness, I am watching my country go through turmoil. Since President Trump (cannot believe I wrote that) took office, executive order after executive order has rocked the USA into confusion and anger. Lines are being crossed, boundaries tested and I hear the roar from the public and from Democratic leaders, but very little from the Republicans. I guess I should say “my version” of the USA. There are people who support, even love, all the things the POTUS is doing, and I wonder if living in my West Coast bubble has somehow blinded me. Is there some small town community in Nebraska that feels constantly threaten that an immigrant or refugee is going to come take a manufacturing job that doesn’t exist? A family in Yakima that feels so strongly that the government has lost sight of them and their plight, that all must feel the wrath, even the most innocent and defenseless? I wish I had the time and patience to listen to their side, to understand. But all I can think is - how can I listen and understand hate?

I feel lost and bewildered. I want to shut off the outside world and focus on my family, but I can’t. I am waiting to bring another person into this world, into this country, and wondering how do I raise this baby and our three year old daughter in an atmosphere of chaos and discourse? I know they won’t understand it and they might not even see it, but all of this will shape their future.

In both cases of my baby and my country, I keep questioning when it will all break free.

The end?
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